2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
