I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
