There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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