a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am spending my child support on dildos
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Randomize
