my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
