i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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