I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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