Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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