I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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