I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
