How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
