so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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