i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
