I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
