I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
