please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize