considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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