you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
