I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he puts the penis in happiness.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
