I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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