It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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