"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
