I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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