I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
