I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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