I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize