Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
