You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
