I got chris browned last night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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