You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
