Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
