Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
