Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The ass gains better be worth it
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