I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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