I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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