i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
