Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
