well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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