yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
