I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize