Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
A bitchslap is in order.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
