I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
