You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize