your parents love me but you hate me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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