After last night, I could never be a politician.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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