She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize