I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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