david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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