To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
