Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
