apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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