ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize