Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
