I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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