Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
