Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
