Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
