I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
