I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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