She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
