Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
