I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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