It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
