"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The air taste purple.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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